My Girl Friends Pick Out Their Own Engagement Rings

The boyfriend wants to propose to his girlfriend, now what?  The guy picks out a ring, plans an amazing proposal, and goes down on one knee while the girl cries her eyes out, and they live happily ever after, or until they file for a divorce.  No, just kidding about the divorce part (hopefully).  Rewind a bit, let’s talk about “the ring”.  What I have noticed is that a lot of my girl friends have recently picked out their own engagement ring.

I suppose to some people, this is just a natural progression for the relationship; you date, and eventually the couple just know it’s coming.  This process of picking out a ring together makes sense: she gets the ring she wants; he gets to prematurely know she will say yes, and is guaranteed to get a ring she loves.  If he is going to shell out a large sum of cash, and she has to wear that ring for EVER, it only makes perfect sense that she should love it.  This seems the most logical and practical thing to do for all the modern day busy yuppies.

But, what about the romance of the proposal process, that sacred tradition?   The look on a girl’s face when her boyfriend pulls out the ring, and says those four magical words, “will you marry me?”.

With many couples moving in together to save money on rent, there are very few surprises of married life to look forward to.  You already know what will tick you both off, and you already been there with the novelty of coming home to your honey everyday.  The only exciting things left are the engagement, wedding, honeymoon, your first home, and your first child.  I understand that time is precious nowadays, but is the convenience worth the trade-off of a great surprise?  How about consider the following, and see if you can gather the information needed to ensure you get the right ring, and the proper surprise?

  1. Call her best friend or sister, and ask them to find out for you.  They can be very casual and subtle.  A close friend who is also in a serious relationship can ask her to go ring shopping together.  Apparently a lot of girls do that
  2. To find out her ring size, look in her jewelry box, find a ring she wears on the ring finger or the middle finger, and bring it to a jeweler to get the size.  You do not want to get a ring that is too big because resizing it might damage the prongs encasing the diamond, and the chance of your diamond falling out is higher.   Be smart about it; if you get a ring she wear on the middle finger, but is loose on her, don’t get that for her ring finger
  3. If you have married or engaged friends, casually make a comment about how great that friend’s engagement ring looks, and get a feel for her reaction
  4. Pay attention to when she looks at magazines or store windows.  If she pauses for a bit, take note of it; it will guide you in the right direction.

There are some girls who’d definitely like to have to a say in the ring they get, and you probably know her best so go with your gut.

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8 Responses to “My Girl Friends Pick Out Their Own Engagement Rings”
  1. Single Guy says:

    I think the girl should/does direct the approach, in one of 3 ways. First, if she’s the sort who’d want to pick it out anyway (i.e. doesn’t care about surprise but more about object), she will drop ‘hints’ of varying subtlety. Perhaps at one extreme, ‘I’ve always wanted this square cut diamond in this setting of platinum since I was a little girl.’ At the other, maybe a passing ‘that’s nice’ when looking at one in the latest edition of ‘(Not so) Virgin Bride’ magazine. In which case, the guy has simply to keep his eyes/ears open. Second, if she wants to be surprised, then this article nicely points out how the guy can ensure it’s the ‘right’ surprise. Third, she may be so rare a breed that she doesn’t care at all about the form of the object on her finger. She realises that picking the right engagement ring isn’t necessarily a sign of a soul mate. That her future husband may not correctly answer the question ‘if she were a diamond, would she be a pear, square, or round cut?’ But nevertheless, his sentiment is there and genuine, and for that, she will cherish whatever winds up on her finger.

  2. incurablesanity says:

    I think when a woman is picking out her own engagement ring there isn’t really a lot of point in her having one. Or I should say “Why does she have a ring?” What does it represent when she picked it out, it is then a present to herself that he paid for. How is that a sign of the importance of a relationship.

    The ring should be one that she is wants to wear but she should want to wear it because of who it is from and what it means, not that it has the right cut of diamond. If it is a concern ask the friends, look at the kind of jeweler she owns, find a ring that “looks like her.”

    I know I’m being overly cynical on this topic. I apologize. I just bothers me when the ring becomes more important than the life commitment.

  3. pillowchats says:

    I agree with you guys that the ring is not as important as the sentiment itself, but I can’t help but think if he is going to spend a lot of money on something, shouldn’t the girl love it?

    And if a ring in itself isn’t that important, then why even get a ring? Why not just go to city hall and get married?

    I am just playing devil’s advocate because I struggle between the two.

    Interestingly enough, a guy friend of mine cares more about the ring than his girlfriend because he thinks it’s a reflection of himself – status, taste, etc. What do you guys think about that?

    • incurablesanity says:

      Ah a ring is different than a wedding. A wedding involves friends and family. It is a cumunity event. City halls denies that.

      Who says a guy has to spend a lot of money on a ring? Three of my girlfriends ended up with rings under $100. Certainly the fact that two of them were getting family heirlooms helped but I think there are better things to spend two month’s salary on. A vacation, a house, the wedding, etc.

      I don’t know from they guys perspective. If it is important to him then that needs to be taken into consideration for certain. It involves him. I can see how that would be a concern but I don’t think it should be a big deal. I can say that because I’m not in that position but if that is how he wants to spend his money he should. I jut don’t think she should expect it.

  4. Bob Kildren says:

    Umm…. where I am from (USA) the girl doesn’t wear the engagement ring forever. The engagement ring is only worn for a year at most – until the wedding day. The guy and girl pick out the wedding rings together and those are more expensive than the engagement ring. So it isn’t a huge deal if you get a ring that is not her most favorite style to propose with.

    • pillowchats says:

      It’s interesting you say that Bob. I live in NYC and from what I can tell, girls here sport their ‘massive down payment on a house’ (if you’ve got it, flaunt it) even after they are married.

      There are times when the girls will just wear their wedding band but that’s rare.

  5. James says:

    I took my girlfriend ring shopping. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Regardless of if it’s the ring of her dreams or not, she’s not going to say no just because it’s not her ideal ring but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t also love it. Buying a reasonably priced ring and one she loves are not mutually exclusive.

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