Dumped and No, I Don’t Want To Be Your Friend

So you just got dumped and that insensitive fool says “I would like to be friends” while you are still drowning in your own tears.   Why do they do that?  If they think that it’s comforting to know that they still “care”, they couldn’t be more wrong.  Knowing that they ‘care’ about you, yet don’t want to be with you probably doesn’t exactly make you feel better about yourself.  I am not sure about the rest of you, but I actually feel better if they were honest and upfront with me.  It might hurt more at the moment, but it will also help me get over him that much faster!

Face it, being friends after you have had a romantic relationship with that person rarely works out.  Hanging out as if you were normal platonic friends with a humungous elephant in the room is awkward to say the least.  One party will eventually give or receive mixed signals, and will want more than just a friendship – and unfortunately, more often than not, the feeling is not mutual.

Perhaps I am a little cynical but the reasons I believe they want to be friends are:

  1. They want to release themselves of the guilt of dumping someone,
  2. It’s a cop out way to open the doors for a ‘friends with benefit’ relationship, which is very unhealthy or
  3. They know you are a great person but just aren’t ready to commit so they keep you around for when they are ready and in case you are the one.

Do yourself a favor and don’t fall into that trap.  Being friends with an ex will only complicate things.  Leave the relationship and if you happen to bump into each other some time down the track when you are both moved on, then try the friendship route again.  You have other friends with whom you did not have a romantic history; you don’t need to be friends with your ex.  Spare yourself of the drama and emotional ride.

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5 Responses to “Dumped and No, I Don’t Want To Be Your Friend”
  1. Jen says:

    Lol… I just got dumped and my ex gave me the “I still love you and we’re still friends but I just don’t want a relationship right now”. Oh give me a break, you decide this after two years. Jerk!

    • pillowchats says:

      Who cares about him, you should do what’s best for you, and only you. Don’t let anyone sweet talk you into a friendship you don’t care for.

  2. kaelovinlife says:

    very interesting! what if you were friends before you started dating and then you realize 4 months later that you were much better friends than you are a couple?


    • pillowchats says:

      Thanks for stopping by Kae and your kind comments.

      My personal opinion is that if you were friends and only dated for a short period of time (so neither party was in love with the other), and there are no hard feelings then I think being friends again might work.

      Sometimes things just don’t work out as planned and if that is a mutual conclusion and both parties are totally ok with it, then being friends again is doable. Otherwise, I still think you should give each other time.

      It’s rare for people to be friends if one has fallen in love with the other. I think the part that makes it hard for two people to be friends is the awkwardness of seeing your “friend” date someone else when you still have feelings for them, etc. It’s painful to watch.

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