She Said What?! At Your Wedding?

“Remember, you guys are imperfect people, coming together to form an imperfect union…”

And everyone’s jaws just dropped, as they heard those words coming out of my mouth on a special couple’s wedding day. Yes, I am aware that most people probably don’t want to hear that, especially not on their wedding day. I didn’t have ill intentions, and my intentions were actually quite the opposite. I wanted to remind the couple of what most of us already know, but have forgotten or conveniently chose to ignore. Most people at the wedding will tell the happy couple that they are just “made for each other”. And while that may be true, that alone is not what makes a relationship work.

What makes a relationship work is two people compromising, communicating, respecting each other, and having willing hearts. Being told that you are perfect for each other will only reinforce misconceptions of an ideal relationship that is always supposed to be fun and sweet, which leads to unrealistic expectations. These unrealistic expectations only grow as we are constantly told that we are “perfect for one another” or that we “complement each other perfectly,” and further inflated because we are have waited so long for the right person that this one has to be perfect for us to settle down with them.

When these expectations are not met, we are trained to abandon the relationship because there is little incentive to work at a relationship when it’s less time consuming and there’s less heartache to just leave to find someone else (with whom you don’t have a bad history) – especially with all the abundance of singles out there searching for “the one”.

Statistics on a happily ever after marriage show a near extinct species. Accord to Divorcerate, the divorce rate for first marriages is 41%, for second marriages is 60% and for third marriages is 73%. (I guess if you already got divorced once, what’s a second or third time?). I am sure a lot stems from “irreconcilable” differences, but what exactly is so irreconcilable? Is it just two people unwilling to work things out? Or is it when they have tried everything possible? “If I am unhappy in the relationship or if my needs are not being met, then it’s just not worth it” is not trying everything possible.

“… you guys are imperfect people, coming together to form an imperfect union where you may not always agree with each other and that is what makes all of us unique and special. Remember, neither you nor your union is perfect, so respect each other, learn from each other, and grow with each other as different people with a common goal.”


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