Mates Before Dates – Cut Your Friends Some Slack

Although I generally agree with the concept of mates before dates (d*cks before chicks, bros before ho-ho-hos, whatever terminology you prefer), I think some people take the concept too far.  Some people insist that even after their friend has a boyfriend or girlfriend, their friendship and frequency of hanging out should remain constant or altered only very slightly.  On a pure mathematical basis, this is simply not possible.  We only have a given amount of free time.  If there is a new player in town, time will inevitably be portioned differently.  Plus, the honeymoon stage is the best part of a relationship – it’s the stage when your friend is the happiest, so shouldn’t you be more supportive and let your friend relish the moment?  Or are you a selfish friend more concerned about how your friend getting a boyfriend/girlfriend will affect your own social life?

Some might argue that relishing the moment is a short-term view of looking at the situation because said friend may eventually break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend.  I think this argument is unfound because this boyfriend/girlfriend could potentially be a lifelong partner.  Without sufficient time to get to know the boyfriend/girlfriend, how would your friend know if the guy/girl has life-long partner potential or not?

When you first meet someone, you have butterflies, and you want to see them, talk to them, and just be around them all the time.  I personally don’t think that anyone is an exception to the rule.  I question how much those who want to maintain their current social status (hang out with their friends as often as they had but have a girlfriend or boyfriend on the side) actually like the person they are “dating”.  I may even go so far as to say that those people are hiding behind the concept because they are either not committed to the person or the boyfriend/girlfriend is only a convenient f-buddy.

That said, I also don’t condone completely abandoning your friends.  If it’s your friend’s birthday, you BE THERE.  If your friends want to talk to you about something, you BE THERE.  If your friend got a promotion, you BE THERE.  You get the idea.

I think the best solution is to allow your friend to have all the alone time with their new boyfriend/girlfriend and be supportive of their union.  Once the honeymoon stage is over, they will slowly emerge from their two-some coupledom.   Then everyone can hang out together – friends and boyfriend/girlfriend.

One Response to “Mates Before Dates – Cut Your Friends Some Slack”
  1. Ken Kendall says:

    I totally agree. One other point is that when dating someone new you need the extra time to really get to know the person to see who they really are.

    I write a blog about how men should treat women. I touch on this occasionally. Check it out if you have a chance.


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