Turning The Blind Eye On Your Friend

At one point or another, we might be encountered with a situation where we have two friends who are dating, and one of them is cheating on the other.  I was discussing this issue with my friends over the weekend, and we asked ourselves what we would do in the situation.  Would we, as friends turn a blind eye?  It seems so easy to say that the “right” thing to do is to tell the friend who was cheated on because they have the “right to know”, right?

If only it were that easy.  You should probably ask yourself if it really is your business to get involved.  What if your friend already knew about it, but was turning the blind eye?  By you exposing the secret, you are forcing them to face something that they have been denying.  That will make them feel embarrassed, and even ashamed for not being able to keep their man/woman happy that they resorted to infidelity.

In both cases, the friend who was cheated on might associate you, the tattletale, with the incident, and end up resenting you as well.  They understand that it is not your fault for telling them, that it probably is in their best interest, but they cannot seem to separate you from the incident.  They want to rid themselves of the entire incident, and so they need to remove you as part of that episode as well.

According to a friend of a friend who was cheated on, he actually ended up resenting the friend who told him about the “affair” because he felt like his friend played a part in ruining his marriage.  Perhaps he thought that had he not known about the affair, maybe his wife would eventually realize that she only loved her husband, and go back to leading a normal married life.  But, now that he was told about it, he might felt like he HAD to take action, and end the marriage.  That confrontation eliminated any possibility of turning back for the marriage.

If it were me, I would rather be told, but I cannot attest that I won’t resent the friend who tells me.  We will never know until we are in that situation.  I think it also depends on who tells you.  If it were a good friend, a friend you know has your best interest, and not out to embarrass you, it will probably be OK.  But, again, I always believe that until we are confronted with that situation, we will never really know how we would react to it.

3 Responses to “Turning The Blind Eye On Your Friend”
  1. jntypie says:

    I can see where your coming from. I mean, if it was me and I was in that situation I wouldn’t really know what to do until the situation emerged. I have made the mistake in the past of telling a friend and loosing them.

    So now I think about how important the person is to me, and if they really deserve the right to know. I know that sounds horrible, but eh? I’m only human.

    I think it’s better to go by the rule, if it isn’t your business then don’t say anything at all. Because in that case, it doesn’t help the situation none if you know what is going on. It just brings you into the mess like the rest.

  2. its a tough situation to be in. but i think it comes down to knowing your friends. i have friends who would die if i didnt tell them. but i have others who would rather deal with it secretly than feel like their business is known to the world.

    i also think it has a lot to do with how the friends are told as well. some people are malicious in their actions others are insensitive in their methods.

  3. I once told an acquaintance of mine her boyfriend was cheating on her… but I only did it by accident.
    we lived together and I didn’t know she was out of town. her boyfriend came home very late at night with a girl and were laughing, etc. and when they woke me going past our room, I thought it was her.
    and in the morning when I saw her on messenger I told her to be a bit more considerate because other people sleep at 5 in the morning… it was quite the spectacle after that.
    If she was a very good friend I would’ve told her on my own, not by accident, and I would rather know myself, but maybe I wouldn’t have told her. I don’t know…

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