Nice Guys: Slow Start, Big Finish!

A blogger friend asked me to write something along the lines of nice guys vs. jerk guys.  So here goes.

I don’t particularly pity the nice guy’s sob story about how nice guys never win.  Frankly, they don’t win because they expect that being nice = Victoria Secret model-like girlfriends; anything short, and these nice guys would claim to get the short end of the stick.  Now, I know that there are some nice guys reading this now, who thinks, “that’s not true, I don’t want to date Victoria Secret models-like girls”, which is a fair.  So if that is the case, then those nice guys probably want to date the girl-next-door type, which is why this post is directed at the nice guys who want to date girl-next-door type girls.

Most guys think that a jerk is a jerk, but it’s more complicated than that.  The jerk may be a jerk to you and me, but to the girl he likes, he is probably the nicest, sweetest person.  There are some girls who would prefer their boyfriend to be a nice guy to everyone, and then there are some girls who feel more special because their boyfriend is only nice to them.  Although you, and I are not privy to seeing the other side of said jerk, that does not mean they don’t have a sensitive side.

Everyone has the right to choose whomever they want to date.  But, have these nice guys thought about who they want to pursue, and why?  Although opposites do attract, you need to have similar interests, goals, etc. to make a relationship work.  Liking the wrong type of girls does not mean nice guys get the wrong end of the stick.   Liking someone who is completely out of your element (element, not “league”) just won’t work.  For example, as a nice guy, I imagine you would do really sweet things for your girlfriend.  If your girlfriend thinks what you do is tacky rather than sweet, would you really be happy, even if she were the hottest thing on the planet?

I would like to take this opportunity to dispel a myth – girls don’t like nice guys.  That statement cannot be more wrong.  No girl I know specifically states that they want to date a jerk.  This could also do with age.  As girls age, they start to understand what is really important in life, and a nice guy who will treat them well, make a good father, etc. become more important than anything else.  The excitement of dating a bad boy who will break our heart fades really quickly.  If you look around, the nice/nerdy guys who hit the books, and become successful have TONS of girls around them from their mid-to-late twenties onward.  CAVEAT: this does not apply to the once nice guy who got screwed over by all the girls, and since converted to being a conceited jerk.  I was only referring to sincere nice guys.

Moreover, just because you are a nice guy doesn’t mean that Ms. Fantastic will fall onto your lap.  Life just doesn’t work that way.  Like everyone else, you will have to put in some effort to find her, approach her, and sweep her off her feet.

In summary, just like how guys eventually want to find a nice, homey, haven’t been around girl to settle down with, girls want to find a nice guy to settle down with.  So be patient, your time will come.  In the meantime, don’t change; nice guys are a dying species.  Believe me when I say that girls really do appreciate nice guys, give us some time to realize that as we have given you, to discover that we don’t actually have kooties.

9 Responses to “Nice Guys: Slow Start, Big Finish!”
  1. themissingshadow says:

    These guys summarise it quite well:

    • sendtoharvey says:

      wong fu rocks…i like ‘break up back up’

    • pillowchats says:

      These guys are talented. I totally agree. I think nice guys assume that because they are nice, they don’t get girls. They spend more time complaining about losing out to realize that the girl they are interested in actually likes them. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

  2. sendtoharvey says:

    hey, u gals still have ‘kooties’..
    i’ll, attempt to keep my nice guy attitude then..

  3. viviae says:

    You make some good points. I really think that high school, when most girls are looking for that “bad boy” is basically mostly pointless for people looking for long-term relationships. I mean, sometimes it can last from high school on, but like you said it also depends on the maturity of the people dating, and high school is notorious for failed relationships (romantic and otherwise). I really think it takes some growing up before someone can really realize what’s good for them. This is some good advice for all those “nice guys” out there, so listen up, boys!

  4. Lisa Brown says:

    Warning: Nice guys may not be what they would like you to think they are. Nice guys: passive, nice, yielding, goo-goo gah-gah over pretty girls. Guess what? I never knew how much I would detest a nice guy until I married one. Read, Living with the Passive Aggressive Man, by Wetzler. I’ll take ego-driven any day over this manipulative, weak, subversive, coward any day of the week. On Oprah, I saw a therapist who said one thing….one thing …..that really got me. And I thought there wasn’t anything I didn’t think of after the 3rd husband. If a man doesn’t love, respect, and cherish his mother, how do you expect him to know those feelings and exhibit them toward you????? Most passive guys have mother complexes, and were either mommied to death, or dominated to extremes, and, no dad around, or a pathetic weak excuse for one. Bad bad bad. Watch out is all I can say. A man may seem egotistical, aggressive, even mean, but there is nothing worse than a passive aggressive man.

  5. mmbanana says:

    What an insightful post! I love reading your blog.

  6. pillowchats says:

    Thank you for your kind words mmbanana!

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