The “Where Do You See Us Going” Conversation

Have you ever had the conversation concerning the dreaded “where do you see us going” question? Men usually get scared off when they get asked this question, because they misunderstand women’s intention. Men usually think that means she is looking for a proposal in the coming weeks, when she just want to know if there is mutual interest in pursuing the relationship further.

While I can understand why the men would think that a commitment to see the relationship through is similar to a commitment to marry the person – with time being the operative factor, it really is not. Rather, it is to explore whether the other person has intentions of ever getting married or having kids, and if these intentions align with theirs on a time frame basis.

Nobody wants to open a can of worms unnecessarily. It’s not like women spend their days thinking how they can make their boyfriend’s life miserable. “I think I will make him eat his balls today”. Don’t be silly, we have much more important things to think about. Women just want/need to know where the relationship is heading because sometimes relationships that are stagnant will remain so until something rocks the boat. The reason she is asking is because she is unsure, meaning the boyfriend has not given her any indications of what their intentions are. Ambiguity is the real cause of this question – especially if the couple has been dating for some time, where they are more comfortable than passionate – leaving even fewer.

If this conversation is to be had, then the woman needs to be prepared that the answer she gets might not be what she was hoping for, and if that were the case, what her decision would be at that point. Men on the other hand, should be prepared that this question might get asked and that life is not always just “go with the flow” because there are serious things to think about. If he is completely caught off guard, then he should say so and ask if he could have some time to think about it, this means several days or a week, not a few hours, ladies. During this time, don’t give him any pressure, be normal and see where it lands.

Pick a convenient time for both parties, where both parties can devote the time, physically and mentally, to this potentially lengthy, heart-to-heart conversation. That means while the other person is at work or immediately after a long work day are off the table. A lazy Saturday afternoon is probably best time, but just make sure neither of you have plans separately or together with other people; rushing to finish the conversation to make your plans is not just rude, but inconclusive. Having the conversation on a Saturday will also allow the other person to digest what just happened before having to show up for work the next day.

When having this conversation, both parties need to be sure to be as clear as possible so that each party will understand exactly what the other wants, leaving NOTHING for interpretation. Miscommunication and being cryptic will only lead to one thing – a follow-up conversation about the topic, so you are only delaying the pain. Being honest is crucial.

The most important thing about this conversation is to accept and respect the other person’s desires. If one party doesn’t want to get married anytime soon, convincing them will only backfire. They need to realize what they want, and when they want it, on their own. There is really no need to dread this question. Of course, the most important thing is to enjoy the moment, but let’s face it, there are bigger consequences that we need to deal with and have control over, and knowing exactly what we are in for is a way for us to have control over what happens in our lives, so there are no regrets.  As for men, don’t be selfish by dragging your feet when you know your lover has plans of her own.

One Response to “The “Where Do You See Us Going” Conversation”
  1. kaelovinlife says:

    OMG…you’re so right. If one person’s heart isn’t in it, there is no need to convince them to allow their heart to be there. how does that song go, “i can’t make you love me if you don’t…you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t…”

    great post! thx for sharing.


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