Understanding Women…Well, Some Of Them

Women are made to be loved, not understood. – Oscar Wilde

One of my dear friends recently started a new relationship, but she is constantly questioning her relationship and her new man.  While I am not attempting to reveal why all women are so darn confusing (including myself), here is one such revelation.


One would imagine loving someone is easy; you find each other attractive, you like each other and you care for each other.  That means you should go merrily along with the relationship, right?  If only it were that easy.

We don’t know why we do the things we do.  A really nice guy can treat us like a princess, but we still throw major tantrums, are completely unreasonable, and end the relationship.  But, guys can very much be the same way.  In a way, we are all a little messed up.

Although I cannot opine on why guys do the things they do, my friend and I have explored why we girls do what we do.  Many girls have been hurt in the past because they wear their hearts on their sleeves.  So, they make it much harder for the next guy to get close by putting up a fort. Yes, it’s unfair that one guy can ruin it for everyone else, but it’s life.

She becomes insecure about herself and the relationship she is involved in.  That is why the more she loves you, the more afraid she is of losing you, and the more she pushes you away.  To prevent herself from getting hurt, she denies that she loves you, treats you like crap to prove to herself that she doesn’t care about you, and if you leave, then she “should” be ok with it.

She is not intentionally making things tough for you.  She tries to let you into how she thinks, what she needs, and why she is the way she is by dropping hints.  But, guys think one thing while girls think another; picking up exactly what she is trying to communicate is tough.  As a guy, you must between the lines; it’s rarely the headline.  For example, if she complains about how you treat her differently in front of your friends, what she really means is that you treat her differently in front of another female friend.

When she can no longer hide her true feelings for much longer, she gives you a series of tests to determine if she can let her guard down.  These tests are designed to make sure that you will be there for her, through thick and thin.  This is the tantrum stage.  She will threaten to break up the relationship, but again, it’s only a threat.  She almost never means it; she just wants you to reassure her of your love for her, and how much you want to fight for the relationship.  The best example I can think of is from the movie, “The Mexican”.  It’s a semi-old movie starring Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts (pretty lackluster movie, so I don’t blame you if you never even heard of it).  Basically, Julia’s character asked Brad’s character “when you think you just about had it with the constant arguments, when do you call it quits?”  To which Brad’s character answered “never.”  That is the kind of reassurance she is looking for from you.

As much as guys like to be the knight in shining armor, the constant need to reassure her can be frustrating, and eventually end miserably.  Getting professional help is probably the right way to go.

3 Responses to “Understanding Women…Well, Some Of Them”
  1. shetalkslikejune says:

    hey! thank you for dropping by my blog!
    Psst..dont tell any of the men, but I do think its us women who make it hard for them in love. Men are easier, they are usually takeit or leave it. Us women, we want telepathy, magic, flowers, rainbows.

  2. Juslitome says:

    Wow, how close this hits to home, you may never know. Actually you do, ’cause I just told you haha.

    Anyways, I can say for sure that you have just deciphered women’s hearts. More times than one I’ve been through the same deal. The minute someone shows blind devotion/faith in me, I run in the opposite direction. Too much love for me makes me question its worth and value. Is this guy in it for the long run, or is it merely just words to sweeten the pot?

    Once I am assured that it’s real, how do I know that it will last the ages? So I do set up my own series of tests, however unaware I am of them. It gets to a point where I say, ok, this guy has the potential to hurt me really, really bad. I can either confront him now, be as big of a bitch as I can be and test his sincerity, or I sprint crazy fast in the other direction, in hopes that it drives a wedge between us, and he won’t be able to hurt me.

    It’s our own built in protective mechanism. But we only do it because there is a cause to feel insecure; whether it’s because we’re naturally unconfident, or we’re unconfident at the other party.

    Women’s hearts are fragile. Treat it carefully.

    • pillowchats says:

      Pushing them away is easy. Accepting that they might actually like you and want to be with you is the hard part, especially for someone who may have been hurt by someone in the past.

      But by doing that, women just push men away. Hard as it is to believe, men are no saints. They are not here to rescue us from anything. If we have an issue, then it’s up to us to deal with it ourselves; that usually means we have to learn to trust and love by trying to do it or seek professional help if it’s something serious.

      Unfortunately, we never really know how long a relationship is going to last until it ends (death or otherwise). That’s why love is a leap of faith. When I asked my married friends when they knew that that person was the one, their response was something along the lines of a couple of years after they had already been married?!

      Such is life: ambiguous and exciting at the same time.

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